Chapter Three

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Chapter Three

Post by Chasezzz on Mon Feb 22, 2016 10:50 pm

drew
Another day, another cigarette. Well, maybe another day, another pack. There’s nothing like the feel of carcinogens invading my body. It’s bad, call it what you want. For me, it’s true bliss. There’s no other happiness in my world, besides Anna, she’s 500 miles away know.
I need another cigarette.
There’s nothing like the feel of a skyline cigarette. The subtle mint, the way the smoke gently invades your body like a considerate thief invades your home. It’s soft, it’s alluring, and it steals you, leaves you cold. But the chill is the best part; it’s calming, like your blood has been coated in Xanax.
The porch is the best place to get away from everyone, light one up and stare at the moon, looking for an answer for the questions you don’t have. Sometimes, like tonight, I bring out some music. Sometimes it’s to set the mood for wallowing, other times it’s to drown out Mom and whatever man she’s talking to on the phone. This is a night for the former, ‘Who’s Crying Now’ playing softly in the background, almost an afterthought.
Steve’s voice is almost as calming as the cigarette. Strong and soft for the soul, except one is full of cancer. That’s beside the point. Kate prefers to get away from Mom through things like books. She loves to read; just finished Lolita by Nabokov. It’s a fucked up read, but I’ve never been one to escape into words, and since I can’t kick a soccer ball around in a street with one street light, cigarettes and a cool breeze will have to do.
Sometimes I’m out here for a few minutes, other times I stay for hours. It’s so easy to get lost in thought with nothing but the moon to keep you company. I think about our old school, how I hated everyone there but Anna. And then I was ripped away from her, driven into another state because Mom’s ‘ambition’ got the best of her again, this chain of thought always leads to the same outcome: I crush a cigarette out of anger, sigh, and light another. It’s a cruel chain, but I always come back to it. Don’t we tend to focus in on the negatives, though? Positives pass, but no one forgets the moment they experienced humiliation, or the feeling of despair.
Now, we’re in a new town, new people, above average social class. Kate’s already made a friend, Emily I think. She’s always happy, laughing whenever Kate throws a sub-par insult at me, like I haven’t heard it a thousand times. Apparently Emily hasn’t either. Poppy, or whatever her name was, really seemed to get under Emily’s skin, and Kate’s skin, but she just made my skin crawl. It was nice to see Emily knocked back down to Earth, but not by someone like her.
Kate always seems worried about something when she’s at school. It’s different from usual. But fuck it. It’s getting cold out here and I forgot my jacket.
avatar
Chasezzz

Posts : 10
Join date : 2016-02-05
Age : 21

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Chapter Three

Post by Angie on Mon Feb 22, 2016 11:03 pm

Okay, there are so many things I love in just this minute chapter. I'd quote the whole thing, but that wouldn't give you much satisfaction. Plus, people who say, "It was good, I love it all." They can suck my dick.

"There’s nothing like the feel of a skyline cigarette. The subtle mint, the way the smoke gently invades your body like a considerate thief invades your home. It’s soft, it’s alluring, and it steals you, leaves you cold. But the chill is the best part; it’s calming, like your blood has been coated in Xanax."

---First of all, I've smoked a menthol cigarette before, and I'm still unsure how you managed to capture the experience so vividly. "A considerate thief invades your home." Damn, that's a good line, a line that I want to steal. "It steals you and leaves you cold." I love how you combine the metaphor and the physical sensation. Gawl Chase, how do you do that?

"I crush a cigarette out of anger, sigh, and light another. It’s a cruel chain, but I always come back to it. Don’t we tend to focus in on the negatives, though? Positives pass, but no one forgets the moment they experienced humiliation, or the feeling of despair."

----The imagery of him actually crushing a cigarette is gold. I love how he points out something so obvious, but not really. That's a thought that only the philosophers deep inside some of us have truly thought about. It's a beautifully macabre thought. And I absolutely love it, and also want to steal it is well.

Kyle's pov is very honest, descriptive, yet curt. I prefer it to Kate's, and I think it's really sweet how you manage to keep the two views distinctly different. You're a fantastic writer, Chasezzz, and I know you could make a career of it. Also, I love how it's so present. I've never imagined what it would be like to write in the present tense, but I rather enjoy it.

And one more thing, fuck their mom. She's a whore who can fuck Satan when she gets to hell. Very Happy

avatar
Angie
Admin

Posts : 54
Join date : 2015-02-09
Age : 24
Location : Magnolia, AR

View user profile http://roguescript.forumotion.com

Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum