Waiting for darkness

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Waiting for darkness

Post by XManson333X on Sun Jan 17, 2016 1:35 am

Waiting For Darkness

Chapter One

Gates drew a sharp breath as her eyes snapped open. Her body instantly paralyzed with intense pain. In her waking dream, that’s what she called them, she was falling helplessly towards the earth at a relentless speed. She’s heard her bones snap and felt her limbs twisting around her as she bounced from the earth like rubber casting her back towards the sky. Again she hit the unforgiving earth, feeling more bones snap as she finally slip to a halt in the tall grass. She had felt it, felt her bones crush against the earth as if she had actually been cast down from the sky. She sat now, breathing hollowly, her ribs unbearably painful. She lifted her hands from the soft cool grass to look at them, immediately regretting the simple motion. Pain shot through her arms so quickly that it made her shallow breath pitch into a coarse moan.

Her vision blurred in and out as she looked at her hands. There was no dirt, no blood, only faint scars from where she’d been shackled. Her cloths were intact, clean, and her trench was unscathed keeping the cool summer wind from her skin. Her body was unbroken but felt as if somebody had ran her over again and again. It had felt so real and her body ached as if it had been.

Gates slowly moved her arms to rest her hands against her thighs and turned her eyes towards the night sky. Her breath sucked sharply between her teeth but she ignored the throb in her neck, putting her phantom pain aside. The stars gleamed brightly across the blackness and the moon lit the tall grassy field in a beautiful silver ray. The night was unblemished by clouds and the clear darkness as bright. Her breathing became full and even as felt a bit of strength return to her aching muscles. The stars had always comforted her. The stars let her know that she was alive and awake. There were no stars where she had been, and she’d been there countless times. There it was nothingness, no stars or moon lit the sky, it was only a black void. It dared to imprison her, to never allow her to see the stars again. That’s why she’d chosen to sleep here. If her terrors dared take her away she knew that if they let her go she’d be looking upon the starry night. She would know that she was free.

Gates sat looking to the sky until her shaky muscles functioned well enough for her to stand. Her legs shook and her bones ached so intensely another sharp moan escaped her throat and echoed through the trees around her. She felt as if every muscle was atrophied and ever bone had been broken. She gathered her strength and managed to stand on unsteady legs in the knee high grass. Raising her hands she used her fingers to comb the grass from her hair as she leaned her head all the way back and let out a tired sigh into the night. The moonlight cast the shadows from her prominent features and lit her cerulean eyes. She stayed still for a moment, resting the back of her head in her laced fingers. She breathed in deeply, letting the scent of the fresh grassy air relax her. It was warm and cool against her face and it soothed her pain, but she needed something more to take it away completely. Something to numb her, to make her forget for a while.

Gates turned her sights from the stars towards the orange glow that loomed just beyond the hill in the distance and made her way slowly towards the lights. As she made a path through the grass her hand found her trench pocket and pulled out her uncrushed pack of menthols. Placing the butt between her lips she lit it quickly and took a deep drag, letting the burn relax her further. She exhaled the toxic smoke through her nose and began to pace a little faster, her thirst growing with each step.



Four and a half cigarettes later she reached the outside of town. Her boots plenty firmly on the highway as she stopped by the green city limits sign. The smoke from her nose polluted the clean air around her as she read the sign.

Bethesda City limits. Pop. 15,000

She moistened her dry lips and continued of the highway. By the time she finished her fifth cigarette she had reached the streets. A few people roamed the sidewalks from shop to shop giving her small city a quiet thriving mumble. Couples walked hand in hand friends walked side to side. Every now and then she’d hear quiet laughter that perked her ears. The smell of indistinguishable food made her stomach tighten with a growl as it permeated the air around her. The buildings were old and a variety of shops perforated the sidewalk, giving the city a quiet charm. A few strangers gave her quick glances realizing she herself was a stranger. She managed a half smile to assure them she wasn’t the homicidal maniac she imagined she looked like. Whether they received that reassurance or not, she didn’t know, nor did she care. She diverted her eyes to the ground avoiding passerby’s and listened for and sign of music. Surely this place had a bar.

Gates hers suddenly perked high filling with music coming from the bar just up the street. Her slow strides became quicker as her aching thirst grew, eager to reach the bar. Bells chimed subtly above her head as she pushed the door open and stepped into the threshold. The smoky air filled her nostrils caressing her senses, urging her to light her sixth smoke. She refrained and walked through the dimly light room, zig-zagging through the mostly empty tables. Light chatter brought the small dive bar to life and the dim lights soothed her tired eyes. Quiet laughter echoed around her and nobody seemed to pay her any mind. Her tense muscles eased, relieved that she hadn’t become the center of attention. Even the bar tender hadn’t looked up from stacking his shot glasses until she found her seat on a worn barstool. The stool creaked slightly as she sat but stayed sturdy under her weight. The wooden bar was chipped and weathered down from countless years of human contact. Various water rings scattered over the dark wood almost patter-like.

Gates found herself at ease, it was very comfortable here. Low music gave a soothing ambience and the people were conversing amongst themselves, not bothering anyone. This place was far from obnoxious and she was certainly thankful for that. This relaxed her, her life had never given her anything to feel grateful for until this moment.

“What can I get for you this evening miss?” the bartender chimed politely, interrupting her thoughts.

Gates quickly shot her eyes from the bar until the met with his. His dark grey eyes appeared tired but stayed kind.

She gave him a genuine half smile, “I’ll have Jameson, no ice please.” She said tiredly trying to keep the irritable exhaustion from her voice.

His eyes sparked subtly before he nodded and sat and shiny whiskey tumbler in front of her. His lips curved into a smile as he poured her drink, keeping his eyes on the flowing dark liquid.

“Never ruin good whiskey with ice, nice and hot, that how I like it.” He said, turning his friendly eyes back up to meet hers.

She nodded in agreement and rose her glass to him, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He poured himself a shot and clinked her glass with his own.

“Cheers to you ma’am, enjoy.” He said wasting no time shooting it back as she took a shot sized drink from her tumbler.

Gates let the burn from the whiskey wash over her. It caressed her throat and warmed her stomach further relaxing her. She leaned back slightly and let a soft sigh escape her lips. Although the bartender was nice she was glad he didn’t linger and question her. She was obviously a stranger, but he hadn’t bothered her with burdening questions. She was glad for that, she would have no idea how to respond. She quickly dispelled her thoughts by pulling out another cigarette and placing it between her lips. The minty taste invaded her mouth as she tossed the pack onto the bar and pulled the lighter from her pocket. Immediately, she took a deep drag letting the taste of nicotine mix with whiskey. She held the smoke in her lungs for a long minute before exhaling slowly, adding her own pollution to the smoky bar. The smoke flowed out from her nostrils as she reach out to her tumbler once again, craving the whiskey. She closed her eyes to keep the smoke from stinging them as she took another drink. The whiskey burned its way soothingly to her stomach as her eyes found the small television hanging in the corner beside the glass liquor shelf. A reporter mouthed silently as her sentences flashed under her head.

Gates watched for a moment, taking drags and drinks whenever she craved them. She smirked as the reporter droned unheard about nothing worth listening to, or reading for that matter. She smirked at herself because she knew she was wasting her concerns. There was no way in hell she’d be advertised on the new. They wouldn’t risk any sort of exposure. Especially not the son-of-a-bitch she hated to know was her father. Completely at ease by that fact, she removed her eyes from the television and finished off her whiskey. The bartender met her eyes with a questioning gaze from the other end of the bar. She gave him a simple smile with her eyes and tapped the rim of her tumbler with her forefinger. He made his way to her without hesitation and poured her another as she crushed her smoke into a clear ashtray.

“Thank you.” She said quietly, wrapping the glass with her fingers seeking numbness.

“Not a problem miss.” He gave her another friendly smile before returning to prepare other drinks.

Gates sat in the bar for a good hour drinking glass after glass. It wasn’t until after her fifth glass that the pain in her bones finally gave way to the numbness the whiskey had to offer. Her mind finally let go of what happened to her in the field along with her body. She was about halfway through with her fifth tumbler and was finishing yet another cigarette when the solitude of the bar was suddenly interrupted. The bell on the door chimed loudly as it was flung open with unnecessary force, slamming into the wall behind it. The quiet chatter ended abruptly as every head turned irritated eyes onto the door. Although she was uninterested on who had so rudely disturbed the peace, she couldn’t help but follow suit.

“Woo! Hey, where my party animals?” The obviously drunken man shouted, his shrill voice penetrating the quiet stillness.

Everyone ignored him and continued chattering among their own groups. Gates rolled her eyes and turned her back to him, continuing on her whiskey. She hoped since everyone seemed to loath his presence he would leave, but unfortunately that was not the case.

“C’mon, what’s a guy gotta do to get a bitch on his arm?” he slurred loudly and turned his glossy gaze to a group of women sitting at a small round table.

Gates tried to ignore his exuberant obnoxiousness as he set out to bother everyone in the bar, especially the women. The numbness she had worked so hard to acquire fleeted from her instantly. She desperately downed the last of her whiskey and waited on him to leave. He didn’t, even though everyone rejected him. He was yet again bothering the women he’d first spotted when the bartender interrupted him.

“Hey, c’mon Billy, leave them alone. Why don’t you just come have a seat and relax huh?” He said pointing to a barstool that was entirely too close to her.

“Hey Jack, why don’t you piss off and let a guy have some fun.” He came back, slurring his words terribly, “let me get you wonderful ladies a drink, on me.” He stammered then stumbled over to the bar ignoring their protests.

Gates saw his hands slap onto the wood from the corner of her eye. She immediately turned her body away from him hoping he wouldn’t notice her.

“Give me four apple martinis jack,” he then leaned in and unsuccessfully whispered, “Guaranteed pussy.” He winked to jack tossing various bills onto the bar.

The bartender rolled his eyes and turned his back to them, proceeding with drinks other than the martinis. Gates tried not to listen as he talked Jack about how many women he’d fucked the night before. The tender ignored him and kept his back turned. Intending on leaving, Gates finished her whiskey and quickly lit herself another cigarette for the walk. She placed the smoke between her lips and started to lift herself from the barstool, but was interrupted.

“Well well, what do we have here?” She felt his alcohol soaked breath stir the air around her ear as he trapped her between his arms.

His breaths fell hotly across her cheek as he pressed his chest against her back. Fear gripped her intensely as he surrounded her, the feeling of paralysis came over her. It felt as if he were taunting her, tormenting her just as the man did in the darkness. The cigarette hung from her lips loosely as she settled back onto the barstool. She wouldn’t let this asshole intimidate her, this was real and she could control it. With that, her fear fell away and was replaced with potent anger. Her brows curved down menacingly as she took a drag from her cigarette without removing it from her lips. If the man were looking at her directly there was no doubt he’d back off, but he just brushed his unwanted lips against her ear.

“You’ve got to be the sexiest piece of ass I’ve ever laid eyes on. Who are you?” he said, his voice full of drunken charm but his words demeaning. He rubbed his cheek against hers beckoning her to answer his question.

Gates took another drag from the still hanging cigarette exhaling through her nose. The bartender kept his back turned to them, so she decided to handle this her way. Forcing her anger down, she rubbed his cheek back with her own, drawing him closer to her.

“No one you want to know.” She said as softly as she could manage while the cigarette bounced slightly from her words.

“Oh believe me, I do. I’d love to take you home and give you a good fuck. You’d be one lucky bitch.” He caressed her shoulder now, giving himself the illusion that he was seducing her.

Gates forced herself to caress his cheek once again, portraying to him that he was seducing her. She hummed quietly luring him further to her. His skin felt disgusting against hers. He was sweaty and the stench of alcohol and body oder was suffocating. She succeeded in relaxing him further until he was leaning on his arms on the bar.

“I bet I would.” She said using faux seduction in her voice, making him rub his chest against her back. He laughed in her ear and placed a slobbery kiss on her neck. Gates smiled sinisterly to herself. She had him right where she wanted him. She took a long drag before sending a fast elbow into his chest causing him to lean away from her on the bar. She stood and watched him gasping for air and clenching his chest, his eyes wild with surprise. She leaned down to him and gave him a sinister gaze. He tried to back away from her as he realized he fucked with the wrong person, but was unsuccessful.

“Do I look like a fucking hooker to you?” she said in a low growl making his eyes widen even more.

In one quick swift, she motion she grabbed the back of his head in her palm. The bar filled with gasps as his forehead slammed into the hard wood causing glasses and bottles to rattle. Gates let him crumble onto his back in the floor as the people stared at her, their eyes shocked. Taking another drag she finally removed the cigarette from her lips.

“I told you you didn’t want to know me.” She whispered as he gave a drunken moan and fell completely limp.

The sound of clapping made her snap her eyes away from him and onto the happy faces of the people. First the four women he’d been tormenting then soon the whole bar was clapping and whistling. She gave a smirk and turned to see the bartender pouring her another whiskey.”

“On the house, all six glasses!” he said excitedly and smiled brightly to her and handed her the glass. She rose her glass to him then around to the strangers who rose their drinks as well. She gave a smile that lacked the genuineness she’d given the bartender earlier, then gulped down the entire glass in one smooth drink. The people followed suit then returned to their own chatter which was now filled with how she’d knocked that guy on his ass.

“Thank you.” She said simply to the bartender and tossed a neatly folded wad of bills into the tip jar. Before she saw his reaction to the wad of hundred dollar bills, she made herself disappear quickly.

Gates took a deep breath of fresh cool air as she exited the bar and made her way quickly away. She stuffed her hands into her trench and kept her head down, taking long strides away from the bar. A sudden realization came over her as she cut into an alley, quickly heading towards her new destination. Anger burned heavily on her face.







Alexi Halsey sat at the dinner table with her husband and grandchildren enjoying a lavish meal prepared by her butler. Her granddaughters laughed and teased each other while her husband passed sweet smiles between them and her. This night was just what she needed after the past week at work. It had been dreadful since Gates had slipped away, leaving her without a trace. Not the she blamed her after she’d failed to help her. She felt her betrayal towards Gates weighing heavily in her heart, but she had no choice. Halsey’s mind wondered over the past few days without her control, she would never forget the look of desperation on Gates’s face as she stared at her through the two-way mirror.

“Help me.” The static sound of her cry echoed through Halsey’s mind over and over again.

“Hey Nana, can we go play now? We’ve finished our dinner.” Her granddaughter’s tiny voice brought her attention back to her family.

Halsey reach over and caressed her grandchild’s arm and smiled tenderly, “of course honey, you two wash up your hands before you leave the kitchen though.”

The two little girls smiled sweetly at her before hopping out of their chairs and rushing to the sink. Halsey watched them with love deep in her eyes as they stepped up on the small stool in front of the sink and washed their hands in a hurry. They hurriedly trotted through the kitchen and tugged at her husband’s arm.

“C’mon Grandpa, let’s go play.” They demanded excitedly while tugging on him.

He laughed sweetly and laid his fork down, “All right girls, just let me help Nana clean up first.” He said sweetly, messing their blonde hair with his hands.

“No that’s all right, you go on.” Halsey smiled to her husband and grabbed his diner plate.

He gave her a sympathetic smile before the two girls dragged him into the living room. Halsey shook her head with a light smile playing on her lips as she collected the diner plates. Her family meant everything to her, she would do anything she could to keep them safe, even if that included damning someone else of their family. A cold feeling came over her with that thought, it washed over her like ice. That exactly what she’d done, without giving it a second thought. Her heart ached as she stacked the dishes onto the counter. She had regretting what she’d done, or what she didn’t do for that matter. There was no telling what became of Gates. She could be dead for all she knew. Halsey’s heart felt as if it had bounced out of her chest with that thought. It pained her beyond what she thought possible as the image of Gates lying dead in some field or alley made itself apparent in her mind. Her eyes closed and stared and the image that was now resting behind her eyelids. The more she thought about it, the more plausible it was that Gates was dead. There was just no possibility that she could survive outside the watchful eyes of the facility. Her eyes moistened as she opened them. Her heart didn’t want Gates to be among the dead, but her mind knew it would be for the best for her. If Gates was in fact dead then there was no threat on her life, her family would be safe.

Halsey’s head snapped up from the dishes and a loud knock on her door brought her thoughts back to her own reality. She stood frozen, who could possibly be knocking on her door this time of night, especially on a Saturday? Her husband and grandchildren walked into the kitchen doorway from the girls room. Her husband’s eyes became worried as the knocked sounded even more loudly through the thick stillness of her home. Halsey sat the dishes carefully on the counter and made her way into the living room, laying a reassuring hand on her husband’s arm. She grasped the cold steel knob firmly in her hand and listened for movement outside the door. She heard nothing.

“Who is it?” she asked trying to keep her voice from shaking.

Nobody answered her from the other side. Relief started to settle her nerves as she thought whoever it was must’ve had the wrong house.

“Open the door Halsey.” The muffled voice demanded her through the thick door.

Halsey froze with realization. It couldn’t be, but it was. She couldn’t move, her body was completely immobilized from the voice she heard demanding entrance into her house. As badly as she wanted to see her, Halsey could not open the door. It was fear that kept her frozen.

“Open the god damn door.” The voice demanded once again, this time intense with anger.

Halsey took a deep breath and tried not the look at her family’s fearful faces. Slowly she turned the deadbolt and pulled the door. Her breath caught in her throat as the door opened fully. Gates stood before her, leering at her with hate burning deep in her cerulean irises. All she could do was stare back into the eyes that once held love for her in them. Her throat went dry as she tried to articulate words but said nothing. Gates spoke before she got the chance to gather any words.

“Get your fucking family out of her Halsey, I don’t want to kill you in front of them.” Her voice was sinister and only met her ears.

Halsey followed her orders without hesitation and turned toward her family, “um honey can you take the girls into out bedroom and put on a movie, stay in there with them please.” She all but pleaded to her family.

Her husband picked up on her obvious panic and gave her a hard worried stare. He laid a hand on each of the girl’s shoulders before stepping towards her, telling them to stay put.

“No Lex, just who is this person and what do they want?” he demanded of her as he stepped closer to the door.

Gates did nothing to soften her gaze as he starred at her. His hard demeanor fled him instantly as his eyes widened on her. Halsey laid her hand on his shoulder pushing him away gently.

“She’s a patient of mine and she needs help. You know I’m not supposed to allow others in the room with one of my patients. Now please take the girls and go watch a movie, this will be over soon.” She begged him desperately pushing him away.

Gates arched her brow at him as he glanced at her curiously once again. She dared him to stare at her for another second. He quickly diverted his eyes away from her and reluctantly walked back towards his granddaughters.

“C’mon girls, let’s go watch a movie.” He said quietly to them grabbing each of their hands.

“But Grandpa, I wanna meet Nana’s friend.” One of the girls whined was he pushed them gently down the hallway.

Gates took their absence as her invitation inside. She stepped into the threshold of the large house, forcing Halsey to back away from her. Her eyes became wide with fright as Gates slammed the door upon her entry. Halsey gasped sharply as the barrel of a gun was suddenly inches from her forehead. Her back met the wall behind her roughly as Gates stalked towards her. She could go nowhere. Gates pressed the barrel of her gun under Halsey’s chin as she leaned towards her breathing raggedly as anger washed over her.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t decorate this wall with your brains.” She growled raggedly, her breath stirring Halsey’s silver strands.

“Please Gates,” Halsey pleaded quietly, trying to stay calm so her family wouldn’t be alerted as to what was about to happen, “you’re drunk and angry, I know you don’t really want to kill me. Maybe if you got some sleep you could think clearly.” She said trying to stay calm although the panic threatened to sink into her.

“No, for the first time I am thinking clearly. You never cared about me, you just used me to further your shitty career. That’s all I was to you, a god damn opportunity, and you took it without remorse.” Gates pressed the gun harder into her chin, her finger daring to pull the trigger.

“They threatened my family Gates, they were going to murder them and me. I had no choice.” She said without the calmness she intended.

“I don’t give a fuck about what happens to you or your family now.” Gates growled quietly.

She wanted to pull the trigger so badly but she didn’t. Tears began to pour from Halsey’s emerald eyes like a running faucet. Her eyes pleading with her own, begging her to spare her life. Gates blinked her own tears away not wanting Halsey to see her weakness. Her brows furrowed intensely and her mouth curved into a menacing frown as she pressed her finger harder onto the trigger.

“Goddammit, I loved you Lex! You kept me from slipping away. You kept me sane after what happened to my mother, but you turned on me when I begged for your help. You left me in the darkness!” Gates screamed through her now falling tears, her throat raw and her voice coarse.

Halsey could say nothing as she watched her desperate cerulean eyes grow red. She saw the darkness there, deep in the blue depths. It had taken her, drove her to near insanity and it was all her fault. Halsey felt the guilt of the realization wrap tightly around her. Her hot tears stung her cheeks as she stared into the face of torment. She didn’t blame Gates for running away, she would’ve done the same thing. The tears stopped falling and a rich cruelty now rested on Gates’s face. Halsey jumped as she heard the hammer click back sharply in her ears.

“Now you’ll get to experience that darkness for yourself.” Gates whispered and put more pressure on the trigger.

“No Gates please, I can help you.” She pleaded wrapping her hands around Gates wrist trying to pull the barrel of the gun away from her chin.

“Help me?” Gates screamed and pressed the barrel even harder into her chin, “Do you really think I’m dumb enough to believe the bullshit that comes out of your mouth?” her coarse voice scratched her throat but she ignored the pain, her finger pressing harder on the trigger making it give way.

“I can help you disappear, provide you money and somewhere to live without being found.” Halsey forced assurance in her voice trying to ease Gate’s anger. She pulled at her wrist once again and this time it gave slightly.

“Why should I trust you?” she asked relieving pressure off the trigger but keeping her eyes intense.

“Because I’m the only chance you’ve got.” Halsey said simply standing fully now, away from the wall.

Gates considered for a moment knowing Halsey was right. She couldn’t live off the credit cards she’d stolen in a panic from her father’s desk, along with the gun she gripped in her hand. They would trace her, no matter where she went she would be found. No, she didn’t need any help, she would make it on her own. She wouldn’t trust Halsey, not after what she’d done to her.

“I don’t want your help.” Gates whispered turning her back to the old women but still intending to kill her.

“Think about it Gates,” Halsey said desperately wanting her to listen, “What are you going to do if you don’t let me help you, sleep in fields, steal money? You certainly can’t have a job. Let me help you Gates, while I still can.” Her raw voice pleaded shakily.

“Why are you willing to help me now, you’d be putting your family at risk and yourself. Isn’t that the very thing you were trying to avoid?” She asked turning her head glancing at Halsey through her peripherals.

“I want the chance to fix what I’ve done, to show you that I do care about you. Besides, if they don’t kill me I know that you will.” Halsey hung her head, it weighed heavily with guilt.

Gates sighed heavily and walked slowly around the coffee table and sat on the couch. The softness greeted her aching body and instantly relaxed her. She debated on Halsey’s offer as she laid the gun on the leg, still squeezing the trigger. She wanted nothing more than to relieve the anger inside her and shoot Halsey without a second thought. At the same time she knew it would do her no good. They would know the instant her death became public who killed her and why. She leaned her head back onto the soft cushions and gave in, damning herself for the weakness this woman caused her. Sighing she looked at the spinning ceiling fan above her and let the faint breeze wash over her.

Halsey stared at Gates sympathetically. Her beautiful face was forever burdened but what she’d seen in the darkness that tormented her. She couldn’t guess at what that could be, she only knew that it was a macabre reality. She wished she could somehow take that burden away from her but she didn’t have the ability. The only thing she could do to help her was keep her away from Godfrey, and she would do that to the best of her abilities. Halsey blinked her dry eyes and moved to stand in front of the coffee table, crossing her arms lazily over her chest.

“How are we going to do this?” Gates whispered without lifting her head before she got the chance to say anything.

Halsey gave a tired sigh before answering, “I will provide you with cash that way you’re untraceable, it’ll be mailed to you in an unmarked envelope every week. I suggest we move you as far away from Godfrey as you-,”

“No,” Gates interrupted her, “I want to stay here in Bethesda so I can keep close contact with you and assure myself that you’re not going to fuck me again. Besides, what better place to hide then right under their noses.” Gates said tiredly still starring at the ceiling fan.

“But it’s only an hour away and-,”

“No one here knows me so I can’t be recognized, and I bet they’re expecting me to have hitch hiked hundreds of miles away by now. They’ll never suspect I’m here and they never know you’re supporting me since they’ve already seen what threating your families lives can do to you. Besides, there’s a bar here I like.” She finished relaxing her hand on the gun.

“Do you really think they’re not going to send men here looking for you?” Halsey asked in disbelief. Gates was crazy for wanting to stay here.

“You be their man. They trust you don’t they?” She asked lifting her head slightly and arching a brow.

“Well, yes,” Halsey said slowly with realization, “I suppose this could work, but you need a plan just incase this one goes to hell.” She said wagging her finger from her side.

“You let me worry about that. I’d rather have that information for myself just incase things do go to hell.” Gates rose her head completely and gave her a pointed look.

Halsey nodded her head in understanding. She ran her hands through her silver strands and left Gates to go check on her family. Her muffled steps against the carpet were heavy with exhaustion. As she reach the door she grabbed the golden knob and cracked it quietly. They were sleeping soundly while the television played through the room loudly. Her husband heard her come in and turned to meet her eyes while turning the movie off, his still holding concern. Halsey felt relief as she realized they hadn’t heard any of what went on in the living room.

It’s all right honey, go back to sleep.” She breathed and gave him a reassuring smile.

With that she closed the door and headed back into the living room. Gates was still laying on the couch like someone had tossed her like a ragdoll. She had put her gun away and her arms were laying lazily against the cushions. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically but her eyes stayed open and her face stayed burdened.

“You can stay in one of the guest rooms upstairs. There’s a bathroom up there if you’d like to shower. Lay your clothes outside the door and I’ll have them washed. In the morning after my family leaves we will find you a place to live.” Halsey gave a tired sigh as Gates did nothing but give her a nod.

Gates waited until Halsey left before she let out a relieved sigh. She really didn’t want to kill her, but she had been more then prepared to. She lifted herself from the couch weakly and turned to look down the hallway. Halsey had already made it to her room.

“Thank you.” She breathed before heading up the stairs.













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XManson333X

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Re: Waiting for darkness

Post by Angie on Sun Jan 17, 2016 2:15 am

“Get your fucking family out of her Halsey, I don’t want to kill you in front of them.” Her voice was sinister and only met her ears.

This is my favorite part.

Gates is way too cool, like someone else I know Smile I have tons more to say on Skype.
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Re: Waiting for darkness

Post by Angie on Mon Jan 18, 2016 2:20 am

“Pain shot through her arms so quickly that it made her shallow breath pitch into a coarse moan.” ---–One of those really great details, a fluent path of description from the breath to the moan of pain. I love how you can make it sound so easy lol

“The stars gleamed brightly across the blackness and the moon lit the tall grassy field in a beautiful silver ray.” --–One like the last. Beautiful language 

“As she made a path through the grass her hand found her trench pocket and pulled out her uncrushed pack of menthols. Placing the butt between her lips she lit it quickly and took a deep drag, letting the burn relax her further. She exhaled the toxic smoke through her nose and began to pace a little faster, her thirst growing with each step.” ---–As I said yesterday, this entire part is amazing Suz. I don’t know how you did it, but you painted such a beautiful picture here. I get so much about Gates with just the beginning of the story. I love the mannerisms, and they’re so subtly placed. You have such a way with sentence structure, storytelling in general. This part is platinum, it’s fucking tits. I love it so much.

“She managed a half smile to assure them she wasn’t the homicidal maniac she imagined she looked like.” ---Because I’ve read this, I know the foreshadowing here. It’s little moments like that which the reader and author both live for. That moment when you can go, aha! That was so telling me something before! I love having those moments on both ends of the spectrum! They usually happen to me by accident, but I have this feeling that you will be doing a lot of this on purpose. I mean, you’ve planned and shit. This feels like a legit story, like I told you. It seems so well put together and structured already on the first chapter. You’re awesome Suz.

“ The stool creaked slightly as she sat but stayed sturdy under her weight. The wooden bar was chipped and weathered down from countless years of human contact. Various water rings scattered over the dark wood almost patter-like.” ---You know how you and I always talk about not wanting to tell the reader exactly what the scene looks like and blah blah, well this is exactly not that lol. This is just enough detail, just enough to start the canvas in the reader’s mind. These subtle details are what I love the most. This is something that Tommie and I always raved over! Lol, she always loved when I said someone was pulling their hair out of the collar of a jacket. I know that sounds weird, but it’s just like this. It’s awesome to read something like this. Picking up on those minute details and having the awareness to write them into your story is just a huge freaking plus for me. That is one of my favorite things ever, and this is an amazing example of it!

----It’s too much to copy, but the whole back and forth between Gates and the bartender is just, hmmmmmm, it’s just crazah awesome. I love it so much Suz! This is where we start to get a taste of her personality. It’s a parallel to when Ben and Mila met in my story. You and I said so much about that character with so little dialogue. I don’t mean to be boasting, but I draw so many parallels between Ben and Gates. I know this is because of our passion and love for the characters. I can tell that you know this character inside and out, and you don’t have to defend that to me cause you know how I feel about my character! Lol. Member when I would always be like, “I know he’s in the story a lot and he’s not the main character and blah blah?” Lol I was in such denial. But no, it’s the best to have a character that you are so familiar with. That you know. That you love. And I can tell you love this character and that you know her very well. When we know people that well, we pick up on their mannerisms, even the most subtle, and revealing those to your reader allows them to form the most intimate (non-weird) relationship there is or can be between a reader and a character.

“She held the smoke in her lungs for a long minute before exhaling slowly, adding her own pollution to the smoky bar.” ---Again, this little detail is awesome. There are so many plain-jane and flowerdy ways you could have said this, but you said it this way. God, Suz. You have no clue how creative and beautiful the language you use is. It’s just the right amount of flowers and realism. Lol, I’m going to trademark that statement 

“The whiskey burned its way soothingly to her stomach as her eyes found the small television hanging in the corner beside the glass liquor shelf. A reporter mouthed silently as her sentences flashed under her head.” ----I forgot to tell you how much I loved this line. Like the one just prior, amazing. So many ways to say this, but you said it in the Suz way. With your own voice.

----Her beating up the obnoxious dbag is just amazing. It’s an arc that you’re waiting for, a small climatic moment. You just fucking know Gates is going to hit him good and hard. Something I wasn’t expecting though was for the bar-goers to cheer. That was a nice way of revealing how the town’s people might view her as opposed to how she thought they might. I honestly thought they’d just stare in disbelief after she done that, so good work fooling me lol, and that doesn’t happen very often Razz



---Gates’ dialogue is simply fucking the best. The part where she’s like “open the door Halsley,” “Open the goddamn door,” That is just awesome. God, I love her so much. Her dialogue is powerful, intense, demanding, yet evocative. She’s awesome. One, hyphenated word: Gates-porn.

“Her brows furrowed intensely and her mouth curved into a menacing frown as she pressed her finger harder onto the trigger.”----This is straight up a Scully face. But the picture was so clear. I seen it exactly how Scully makes it.

“Halsey could say nothing as she watched her desperate cerulean eyes grow red. She saw the darkness there, deep in the blue depths. It had taken her, drove her to near insanity and it was all her fault.” ---Beautiful speech about her eyes lol. Eyes are the key. Eyes are all.  But that’s just my opinion.

“She lifted herself from the couch weakly and turned to look down the hallway. Halsey had already made it to her room.

“Thank you.” She breathed before heading up the stairs.” ---This is a great ending. Gates was just so angry and domineering, yet here she shows some weakness, but it’s a little different than the moments prior. She seems hopeful as opposed to completely defeated but too prideful or still too angry to say it to Halsey’s face although she’s not really showing it. It’s an absent expression of words.

----Here at the end of this chapter I’m many things, Suz. This is above and beyond anything I’ve ever read. I would actually read this. I love the language, the character (Gates), and the story thus far. You’re writing is so good. There’s really no other way to put it. It’s got a great, unique style. It’s like a blend of me and influence from Kenyon and other authors. I say me because I like my own style, lol or I wouldn’t write that way, and I know you like it. I think you’ve taken some of my best traits and let them influence you. You’ve utilized them way better than I could. The mix of my to-the-point style and influence you’ve gotten from actually readying lol is just the greatest thing imaginable. You know when and how to throw some flowers in lol and you know when not to. You have a colorful vocabulary but not a flowerdy one lol. It’s not just about the vocab though. The language, the structure of the writing is just mind blowing. The creative way you say it without being gay, it’s crazah cool. I love you Suz, and I want you to know how amazing this is. I’m already in love with it and I can’t wait for more. Really, I’m not just saying that. I know you’re busy with work and all, but firkin write this okay!?

P.S. IS THAT FRIKIN ALL?!!!!!! ONE FRIKIN CHAPTER?!

Love,

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